10 Ways to Tell Him
by Sarah Gerber
Summary: A series of 10 separate stories, each with Face revealing his feelings for Murdock. Chap 2 - crossover with Quantum Leap ; Chap 4 - crossover with DS9 with Bashir/O'Brien .
1. No 1

This is the first in a series of 10 stories I intend to write. Each will have Face revealing his feelings for Murdock in different ways and situations. I've only had 6 ideas so far, so any suggestions would be welcomed and much appreciated. :) They're all pretty short but I'm going to pick one eventually to continue.  
  
Title: 10 Ways to Tell Him  
Author: Sarah Gerber  
Pairing: Face/Murdock  
Summary: 10 ways for Face to tell Murdock he loves him.  
Rating: PG-13  
  
**10 Ways to Tell Him**  
  
_1._  
  
Face could not believe that this was really happening, that he was leaving the team. He did not think it would ever happen. It wasn't because he thought the A-Team would be forever - nothing was forever - he just didn't think he would ever be strong enough to make a decision to leave. It would be too scary. In fact it _was_ scaring the hell out of him. He didn't like change. "I'm being stupid. How could this be good for anyone," he thought to himself.  
  
"Faceman is getting married, settling down. Can you guys believe it?" Murdock looked earnestly at Hannibal and BA from the back seat of the van while slapping Face's back vigorously. "I can't believe it," he finished.   
  
"Murdock, would you cut it out?" Face looked pained, wondering when this abuse from Murdock would end.   
  
Hannibal was happy for Face. Even though he would miss him, and the team was losing a valuable member, he was glad Face was going to build himself a life he wanted. As much as he enjoyed the jazz, he couldn't completely dismiss the appeal of being "normal", as Face would put it.   
  
"Hey man, I still think you're never going to make a good husband," BA said. He was only worried about his friend, not meaning to throw a damper on Face's big day. He hoped Face knew what he was getting himself into.   
  
"The big guy is right. You're not cut out for that," Murdock nodded his head with conviction.   
  
"Aw guys, give me a break. Have more faith in me will ya?" Could they be right? Marriage _is_ a big commitment. He should know himself better than anyone knew him but he still did not have the slightest idea whether this was the right thing to do. This was what he always wanted. He loved Kelly, and with her, he could have a real family. What would it be like to have a real family? Face could not wait to find out, to experience it.   
  
Hannibal did have faith in his lieutenant. He always had. With satisfaction, he noted to himself that the kid had grown up and chuckled while chewing on his cigar.   
  
"Hannibal, don't tell me you agree with them!" Face was exasperated.   
  
"Of course not. I was just thinking, I'll never get used to Hunkman," Hannibal responded, referring to the persona Murdock once took on to replace Face as the lady-charmer of the team. "Maybe you should stay, lieutenant, for the sake of all the unsuspecting ladies out there".  
  
"Yeah, he terrorises them. And I don't want to be stuck springing the crazy foo' out of the VA every time," BA continued.   
  
"Besides, who's going to knock on the front doors when you're gone, Face? None of us are pretty enough." Hannibal was having fun.   
  
Catching on, Murdock decided to keep the ball rolling with his very own frivolous reason for wanting Face to stay. With as much passion as he could muster, looking very much the part of a Hollywood leading lady, he rested both hands on Face's chest and said, "Stay for me, my love". With that he leaned in close and puckered up his lips waiting for the kiss from Face he knew would never come.   
  
Before Hannibal could get in a wisecrack, or even his trademark chuckle, and before BA could even throw a look of utter annoyance at Murdock, Face had grabbed hold of Murdock's face with both hands and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. It was frenzied and needy. It was a kiss he had wanted for so long. No, not just the kiss. _Murdock_. He didn't know at first why he did it. He had after all managed to keep his feelings for Murdock a secret for so long. Why would he give in now? Now, of all time, of all places? "Great timing, Face," he chided himself silently. He supposed the stress from the impending changes in his life had gotten to him. But deep down he knew quite well that he was never going to get married without telling him. He had to tell him, just for that slightest possibility that he might share his feelings. He did not want to live the rest of his life wondering about a chance he didn't take. "Stay for me, my love." Murdock was only kidding, but his face was so close, his eyes as gentle as always and his lips, just inches away, was begging to be kissed. Face knew then that was it. He had put it off long enough and there was no more time. It was now or never.   
  
Murdock looked to Hannibal and BA for help but was getting none of it. Hannibal was in a rare moment of speechlessness and a rather disturbed-looking BA looked all set to slap himself out of this dream. "Uh ... Faceguy?"   
  
Face had played in his head dozens of scenarios when he would tell Murdock how he felt. He always ended up feeling totally humiliated. This one, the real one, was different. He was surprised he didn't feel the least bit embarrassed even though Hannibal and BA were right there - now _that_ did not happen even in his worst case scenario. He knew the guys too well. And Murdock was the kindest soul he ever met. He was sure he would have no reason to feel humiliated by any single thought that was crossing the minds of his three friends. That realisation made him brave and he was determined to see this through. A bit shaken by his own boldness, but thoroughly relieved, Face asked, "You mean it?" He was out of breath and it came out as a whisper, but he was sure Murdock heard him.   
  
After a long beat, Murdock was still confused. "Wh .... what?"   
  
"I will stay for you. Just say the word."   
  



	2. No 2

Here's the 2nd story. Face tells Murdock he loves him with the help of Sam Beckett (Quantum leap crossover). For people unfamiliar with the show, Sam is a scientist that travels through time and takes the place of various people to put things that once went wrong right.   
  
Title: 10 Ways to Tell Him   
Author: Sarah Gerber  
Pairing: Face/Murdock  
Summary: 10 ways for Face to tell Murdock he loves him.  
Rating: PG-13  
  
**10 Ways to Tell Him**  
  
_2._  
  
"Now Sam, you're Templeton Peck, Face or Faceman to your friends. Vietnam War vet, on the run from the government, known to be able to charm anything out of anyone, ladies' man …"  
  
"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute there. On the run from the government?"   
  
"Relax Sam, he's one of the good guys. He and his friends, that's the A-Team, were wrongly accused of robbing the Bank of Hanoi on their own initiative. They were under orders. Now, they help people. You know, protect the defenseless and all that."  
  
"The A-Team." Sam Beckett, the frequent but still nowhere near seasoned, time traveler furrowed his brows in concentration as he searched his swiss-cheesed memory for any information on this familiar name. "I think I remember them, Al. They're some sort of folk heroes aren't they?"   
  
"That's right. The leader of the group is Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith. You, Lieutenant Peck, is second-in-command. Sergeant B.A. Baracus and the pilot, Captain 'Howling Mad' …" the hologram gave his handlink a few taps to get the text online again. "… Murdock make up the rest of the team." As he read the rest of the words flashing before his eyes, his normally cheery countenance turned grim.   
  
"Al, what is it. What am I doing here?"   
  
"Twenty-four hours from now, they're going to be captured. The trial will be quick, and they will be sentenced to death before a firing squad."   
  
"What?" Sam was incredulous. "For bank robbery?"   
  
"Apparently, they got implicated in a murder. They were eventually cleared with the help of evidence uncovered by Captain Murdock." Al paused and looked up gravely from the link to meet his friend's concerned gaze. "But it was five years too late."   
  
Sam felt weak in the knees. He had done this so many times, but yet he hadn't figured out how to handle news like this. Every leap still felt like the first time. Every wrong he had to right felt impossible. Sam stopped himself quickly before self-doubt overwhelmed him. There was no time for that. Lives were at stake and he would not allow himself to fail. "I need more, Al."   
  
"I'll see what I can get from Ziggy. Lieutenant Peck is still keeping mum, keeps staring at the mirror. I think he likes you." With that, he disappeared behind an invisible door, leaving Sam alone again.   
  
Just as Sam was about to continue exploring the apartment he had found himself in, he heard the door unlock and turned to find a man in a brown bomber jacket and baseball cap standing hesitantly beside the doorway.   
  
"Murdock?" Sam ventured.   
  
"Listen Face, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I …" Both hands tucked safely inside the pockets of his khaki pants, Murdock stared at his shoes, unable to bring himself to look at his friend. He couldn't finish; he didn't know what else to say.   
  
"Murdock. Why don't you sit down and we can talk." Sam approached the visibly distressed pilot and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Murdock decided to risk a peek at whom he thought was his best friend. He wasn't as mad as he imagined. If he was angry with him, it wasn't showing on his handsome face. If their friendship was over, it wasn't showing in his gentle eyes. Feeling a bit better, he let Sam escort him to the couch.   
  
When Murdock seemed to have calmed down a little, Sam took a deep breath and said, "Now, it seems you have things you'd like to say to me." He returned Murdock's apprehensive look with an encouraging smile.   
  
"I shouldn't … I shouldn't have kissed you, Face. You're my friend, I … I shouldn't have."   
  
Sam smiled. So that was what Murdock was so worked up about. The way he was acting, you'd think he had killed someone. He was relieved, but at a loss as to what to do. He hadn't the slightest clue how Face felt about Murdock. "Great time to leap me in," he mumbled to "Him", looking up at the ceiling.   
  
"Great time to what?" Murdock was worried. Face didn't look right. He had changed somehow.   
  
"Nothing." Sam shrugged. His lips moved to offer more explanation but then he decided against it, and instead coughed awkwardly. Privately, he was trying to come up with a way to get out of this. He should let Face deal with this. He was here for the bigger, more pressing problem of the A-Team's capture and execution.   
  
Murdock looked across at Sam who seemed to be having the worst time since the POW camp. "No, Face hasn't changed. Just out friendship is all. If it still exists that is." Murdock thought sadly.   
  
"Face, you don't have to say anything. You don't feel the same way. I know that." Murdock could not stand to sit down anymore and started pacing the room. "I don't suppose you would say yes to a memory displacement operation?" Murdock asked hopefully.   
  
Sam grinned. "It wasn't that bad, Murdock."   
  
"You don't want to be around me ever again do you?"   
  
"You're still my friend." Sam whispered. Listening to the fear and desperation in this man's words had put a lump in his throat. He was sure this was what Face would say if he were here. He didn't know him but appreciated that it would take a special person to earn such devotion. He hoped to god that this Faceman could reciprocate Murdock's love. "Nothing has changed." Sam tried again, this time more convincingly, when he saw the doubt written all over Murdock's face.   
  
Sam wished he could give Murdock more. Tell him he loved him back, but he couldn't. It was breaking his heart. "Al, where are you?" he thought desperately.   
  
"You know it doesn't cheapen our friendship. All the extra feelings I have for you. You know that don't you, Face?"   
  
"Of course I do. Don't be silly." Sam answered without a moment's hesitation. Thinking Murdock could use a hug, he walked swiftly across the room and smoothly intercepted Murdock's rapid pacing with the help of strong arms and a firm, but gentle gaze. "Come here." With that, the two men held each other in a warm embrace. Sam heard Murdock sighed softly and felt his body relaxing into his arms, as though he was surrendering to the comfort he was all too happy to provide.   
  
"Sam, Sam! We've figured it out!" Al appeared out of nowhere, excitement apparent. "Uh … am I interrupting something?" Al waggled his eyebrows suggestively when he saw Sam and Murdock.   
  
Sam could not help but grimaced at Al's bad joke, but he regained his composure and signaled for him to keep talking. Al finally managed to stop smirking at the pair, but only with considerable effort.   
  
"I'm sure you know by now what happened between these two lovebirds right before you leaped in?" Sam hoped Al wasn't merely just being liberal with the use of the word "lovebirds".   
  
He nodded in the affirmative and Al continued, " Well, according to Ziggy, I don't know what Face said or _didn't_ say to him, but Murdock disappeared for a while in the original history. He didn't show up until after the arrest of the A-Team was announced. They were caught by a Colonel Decker while helping out, believe it or not, Hulk Hogan and his friend. Apparently Face scammed the ID of the wrong FBI agent."   
  
"There's an eighty-five percent chance the temporary disappearance of the good captain was a crucial factor. Ziggy figured he was either going to be important for the mission, or he was going to rescue his friends from Decker."   
  
"Face, I think I'd better get going. I'm going back to the VA. Just tell Hannibal and BA I don't feel too well when they ask about me tonight at the Hulkster's match would ya? I need to be alone for a while."   
  
Al was frantic. "Tell him you love him!"   
  
"But you don't know that," Sam protested.   
  
At Murdock's quizzical look, Sam added, " You don't know that … you need to be alone right now, Murdock."   
  
Murdock was unconvinced, wondering if he had done some permanent damage to Face's head just by revealing his feelings. Nevertheless, he went along with it. "But I do, Face ... Thanks for everything." He turned and started to leave.   
  
"No, no! He wants you to tell him. Tell him!" Al cried. "He thought he was dead, Sam, and his only regret was never having told Murdock how he felt."   
  
Relief washed over Sam. He quickly reached for Murdock's hand and held it tightly. "Don't go. Please." History was going to change.   
  



	3. No 3

This one is an unplanned story. I wrote it on the train on my way home. And it's really late now - hope it's not too dumb. Face and Murdock get dressed for a party. Internal dialogue between * and *.  
  
Ten Ways to Tell Him  
  
3.  
  
"Now Murdock, I need you on your best behavior. If everything goes well, I get both the girl and the membership."  
  
"Ok honey," Murdock shouted from inside the bathroom.  
  
"I'm serious. This party is very important to me."  
  
"I don't get it. If you're so worried about me screwing things up for you, why bring me? Own up, Face. Why do you need me?"  
  
For a moment, Face faltered. He hadn't exactly told his best friend the truth about why he had to have him along. "Well . must there always be a reason Murdock? I just thought some fresh air and a nice party would do you good. I mean, we do things together all the time, don't we? You're my best pal."  
  
"You know, I'm racking my brains in here and I'm having a hard time remembering the last time we did something together just because you thought it would be good for *me*."  
  
"Now, that's not fair."  
  
"It's always, 'Murdock sweetheart, I need you to be the date for my date's favorite gal pal, sister, aunt . or . or Murdock honey, I *really* need a chauffeur, or Murdock my bestest buddy, you're so crazy I'm sure all my phony artist friends would be impressed, or ."  
  
'Alright I get it," Face interrupted, knowing very well that Murdock had a list long enough to last him a whole day. "I *thought* you enjoyed these outings, Murdock. You always have a great time."  
  
"That's not the point." *Damn you Face, do you have to sound so hurt and make me feel bad?*  
  
Face wondered why Murdock got so serious all of a sudden. He had been in a great mood all day since he sprung him out of the VA.  
  
"Are you done putting on that tux yet? You've been in that bathroom for an awfully long time." Face glanced at the bathroom door as he tucked his shirt in. "You know I spared no expense on that one. You're going to look great in it."  
  
"I'm having some trouble with the bow tie."  
  
"Well you're gonna have to come out of there for me to help you."  
  
A few seconds later, Murdock finally stepped out of the bathroom, still struggling with his tie. Seeing that, Face quickly reached over and brushed his hands away gently. "Let me."  
  
While Face worked on Murdock's tie, he couldn't help but let a little smile escape. He didn't know why, but he was enjoying this too much.  
  
"What."  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"There's something you're not telling me. Don't think I didn't catch that evil grin."  
  
"You're getting too paranoid for your own good. You should see Dr. Richter about it." *It was a nice moment, I felt good, and I smiled. Give me a break, Murdock.*  
  
"There, all done." When Face was finished, he gave the tie a pat and went back to the closet to pull out another dress shirt. "Chin up, Murdock. That pout looks cute and all but it's not going to win you any hearts."  
  
"I thought you already decided on that shirt you're wearing. How many shirts are you going to have to try?"  
  
"It wasn't very comfortable," Face shrugged.  
  
Murdock was about to put on his vest when his breath caught at the sight of an unclad Face. His breath always caught, much to his absolute dismay, no matter how many times he saw Face's fine-looking torso. When he realized he had stopped moving and was in fact staring, he quickly recovered himself, hoping Face did not notice. Face had on another outfit by then.  
  
"I like this one. It's nice," Murdock offered.  
  
"Why thank you, Murdock." Face checked himself in the mirror and looked pleased. "What do you know, you have some taste after all."  
  
Face turned to look at his friend, expecting an indignant retort to his jibe, but was disappointed to be greeted by a still solemn Murdock. Now he was really starting to feel awful about the reason he needed him at the party.  
  
"Here let me help you." Face moved to help Murdock put on his tuxedo jacket when he saw how that piece of garment was fast becoming a minor disaster at his not-so-gentle hands.  
  
"Right arm." Murdock rather gladly obliged and extended his right arm.  
  
"Now left." Face liked doing this. It felt right.  
  
"You'd make someone a pretty good wife yourself too," Murdock teased. Face had said the exact same thing to him once at Cup a Joe when Murdock was showing off his culinary skills. He knew face was only kidding but some dumb part of him wanted those words to mean something so much it tried to convince him to say some dumb things back, like 'Only if that someone was you'. So there was this little war inside his head and fortunately, the sensible part won. He still said something dumb anyway, like 'where's my paprika,' but at least it was "crazy foo' Murdock" dumb, and not "love foo' Murdock" dumb. He wondered sometimes if Face suspected anything. That war in his head had to have lasted a good few seconds.  
  
*Only if that someone was you.* Face was finished putting the jacket on Murdock and was just now smoothing out the creases on the front when he was struck dumb by his own thought. He allowed his hands to linger on Murdock's chest while strangely aware of his nearness. Face felt peculiar as all his senses was seemingly heightened. He could smell Murdock's shampoo and aftershave, feel the heat radiating from his body and hear his soft breathing. He felt as though his hands were burning a hole right through the fabric. He found himself mesmerized by the beating of Murdock's heart beneath his hands. It was almost magical to him. This felt too much like a dream. The air was too charged, his mind wasn't working right, and he couldn't move - not his hands, not his legs. And his best friend looked too handsome.  
  
*This has to be a dream. Nothing makes sense and you get crazy ideas when you dream. Snap out of it, Face.*  
  
Through sheer force of will, Face removed his hands from Murdock's chest and stepped away to retrieve his vest. He knew he should say something to break the awkward silence but he did not trust his own voice. He was embarrassed and wondered how he had looked to Murdock. Could Murdock tell what he was thinking? After that display, Face wouldn't be surprised if he could.  
  
"How do I look?" It was Murdock who spoke first. Face's back was to him but Murdock could feel something was wrong. He was worried that he might have upset his friend. He had gazed into Face's eyes for a moment too long when he was straightening his jacket. He could have sensed his feelings. *Stupid, stupid. What did I do that for?* Murdock wanted to kick himself real hard.  
  
Responding to Murdock, Face turned and for the first time in his life, actually felt his heart missed a beat or two. He hadn't noticed it before when he was putting it on for him, but that tuxedo looked spectacular on Murdock. He was perfect.  
  
"You look gorgeous," Face whispered before he could stop himself. Face groaned inwardly. That did not come out right. Or rather, it came out *too* right.  
  
Face watched apprehensively as Murdock stepped closer as though to say something, but he eventually stopped himself.  
  
"I know." Murdock smiled. "You don't look too bad yourself."  
  
*Has Murdock always had such a beautiful smile?*  
  
"Uh . listen Murdock, I wasn't completely honest with you about the party tonight."  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"I needed you to be someone's date."  
  
"You mean 'need'. You still need me don't you?" Face seemed ready to cry and that surprised Murdock. "Relax, Facey-guy, I'm not about to kill you. Who is she? Kelly's sister?"  
  
"Uh . no."  
  
"A girlfriend?"  
  
Face shook his head.  
  
"Don't tell me it's her mum."  
  
"Her brother actually." Face finally came clean. He felt irrationally exposed as though just by talking about someone gay, Murdock could figure out his newfound feelings for him.  
  
"You told her I was gay?" Murdock was ready to laugh.  
  
"I'm sorry, Murdock. It's just . he just broke up with someone and Kelly thought it would be good for him to get out of the house. She was so worried ."  
  
"I'll go," Murdock sighed. Male date, female date, it really wasn't much of a difference to him. It had always been all about Face anyway. Besides, he'd never have the heart to disappoint Face.  
  
"You will?"  
  
"Yes. Now pick a jacket and we can get going before I change my mind."  
  
Face was conflicted. He wasn't sure how well he would take seeing Murdock on a date with another man now, after what just happened. *What* exactly just happened anyway? Face considered the question for a moment and realised that the feelings he had for Murdock weren't new. They were just old feelings he'd always had stripped naked that was all. No more pretenses, no more excuses. *So I'm in love with Murdock now?* Face was stunned but at the same time excited about the possibilities.  
  
"C'mon Face, you don't want to keep our dates waiting."  
  
"Murdock, you don't have to go. *Really*."  
  
"No Face, I'm looking forward to it." Murdock seemed to be back to his old chipper self. "It'd be fun."  
  
"I'll just make up an excuse for you. I'm sure Kelly would understand ."  
  
"Face, Face," Murdock interrupted before Face could continue. "It's not a big deal. I'm gay."  
  
He had kept it from Face for so long only because he knew that if Face knew, his feelings for him would become obvious, and their friendship would suffer. Murdock didn't plan on telling Face, but at that moment, the exact thought running through his mind was, "Oh, what the hell". For one second, it felt like the thing to do. *So this is it. The big revelation. Not what I always imagined. They didn't call you crazy for nothing, you impulsive fool.*  
  
" . and Michael's a great guy, I'm sure ." Face stopped short then. Murdock's words finally registered. "You're gay?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Seriously?"  
  
Murdock put on his best serious-serious face, as opposed to his pretend- serious face, and nodded.  
  
"Oh." A beat. "OH." Another longer beat. "That's good. Uh . it's nice. Thanks for telling me."  
  
"Now can we go?"  
  
*Oh, what the hell. Just tell him.* "Only if you would be my date." 


	4. No 4

10 Ways to Tell Him

by Sarah Gerber

Rating: PG-13

10 Ways to Tell Him

Part 4

This story was inspired by Star Trek DS9's "Sound of Her Voice"

"You know ... how BA used to sort of do this half-laugh, half-giggle thing? I love 'em. Even though I'm always in some trouble when he did those."

"Murdock, you're doing it again. BA didn't *used to* do it. He *is* still doing it. When we get back, he will be right where he is supposed to be and he wouldn't even know we've been gone."

"Sorry Face. I'm just so used to the idea that I've lost everyone – BA, Hannibal ... you." There was a catchin Murdock's voice as he was reminded of the painful indistinguishable days and nights he spent thinking about Face. He thought about all of them, but it was Face that occupied most of his thoughts. It certainly hurt the most thinking about him but he also provided the most comfort on good days. The memories he had of his friends were what had kept him alive for those lonely three years. He had no hope, and nothing to keep him company except for the faces and voices in his head. Sometimes, he felt blessed that he had a good imagination.

"Murdock. *Murdock!* Say something. Are you alright?" The anxiety in Face's voice was apparent even over the static-filled com-line.

"Relax Face. Plenty of air left in the shuttlepod to last me 'til you get here," Murdock reassured. "Got a little lost in my thoughts. I've not had to worry about doing that for so long. No ugly mudsucka to get on my case you know."

Face smiled. He was glad he was bringing Murdock home, back to BA and Hannibal. At the same time, it broke his heart thinking about all the time he had spent alone in that godforsaken planet, trapped in a tiny shuttlepod and having no clue where he was and if he would ever be found.

*

It all started seven days earlier, or three years, depending on whose perspective it was. Face and Murdock were on a plane one moment, and on a space vessel from the future the very next. The 24th century Federation starship USS Defiant was thrown into a time warp by a black star and found herself in low orbit of Earth hundreds of years into the past. Before the crew of the cloaked vessel even had time to get their bearings straight, they detected Face and Murdock's plane heading straight for them. There was no time for them to do anything other than beam the two aboard. The plane was destroyed but at least its two occupants were saved. In order to preserve the timeline, Chief Engineer Miles O'Brien and Science Officer Jadzia Dax had proposed to recreate the conditions of the time warp with a slingshot effect around the sun. It wasn't a sure-fire method but it had worked before for Captain James T. Kirk's Enterprise. It was agreed that as time on the Defiant moved forward, Face and Murdock would be beamed back to earth at just the moment before Defiant had originally shown up, so that they wouldn't remember anything.

Just like many of Hannibal's plans, things did not quite go as smoothly as anticipated. The damaged Defiant needed a little push from a shuttlepod to achieve the momentum required for the slingshot effect. Two persons were needed for the shuttlepod, one to pilot it, the other to perform calculations to adjust for the gravimetric and energy deviance between the Defiant and the shuttlepod. With the crew of the Defiant severely depleted, Murdock ended up volunteering to pilot the shuttlepod, the less complex vessel of the two.

After receiving some basic piloting instructions, Murdock left for the shuttlepod with O'Brien, leaving behind Face, Jadzia and the ship's doctor Julian Bashir. With a transporter aboard the shuttlepod, the original plan to transport both Face and Murdock back to earth at the right moment could still be implemented.

As usual, things went wrong. The Defiant successfully slingshot its way forward to the right time, in Earth's orbit, while the shuttlepod turned up twenty light years away and crash-landed on a K-class planet, three years short of the targeted time. Neither could transport during the time warp.

So for three years, on an uninhabitable planet, Murdock waited alone. Chief O'Brien, who could have repaired the shuttlepod, was heavily injured and did not survive past the first few days. Even after Murdock got the subspace emitter working again, no ships were picking up his distress call because of the heavy radiation within the K-Class system. When the Defiant finally reappeared three years later, Dax and Bashir were able to calculate the shuttlepod's estimated location, and with the help of Murdock's weak signals, pinpoint his exact coordinates. It was fortunate that the Defiant was now on its way, for the shuttlepod was running out of power and environmental controls were going offline in a matter of weeks.

At first Face could only listen in anguish to Murdock's recorded distress call over and over again, before Dax finally devised a way to break through the radiation and establish two-way communications.

On the way to the planet, Bashir and Dax discussed various ways to get Face and Murdock home. It was finally decided the Bajoran Orb of Time was their only solution. They would have to be returned to the moment right after their other selves were taken away in the Defiant, so that they could take their place. That meant they were going to retain all their memories which could affect the timeline, but it was better than not returning them altogether.

*

Face was proud that Murdock had hung on despite everything. He wasn't sure at first that he would be as brave but on second thought he knew he would. The possibility of seeing Murdock again, however infinitesimally small it was, would have kept him going. He wondered what kept Murdock going. Was it BA? It did seem that Murdock could not stop talking about BA. Face pushed the idea out of his head and focused again on the conversation.

"On the contrary, I'm sure the 'ugly mucksucka' wouldn't mind you getting lost in your head, if it meant you'd keep your mouth shut for a second."

"That's right. I guess I was confused. *You're* the one who can't get enough of my smoldering, sensuous voice."

Face had to laugh. He loved Murdock's voice, the warmth in it and the innocence it injected into whatever he was saying, but even he wouldn't quite describe it as "smoldering". " 'Sensuous' maybe," Face smiled as he idly let his thoughts run wild. "Depends on what you're doing to me."

God knew he had missed that voice though, even if Murdock had only been gone for a week from his perspective. Not knowing if he was dead or alive, or in pain, it was the longest week Face ever had to endure.

"Murdock, I'm hurt. You had me confused with BA?"

"Now Face, sweetheart. Honey. You know you're my favorite. My mind just ain't working like it used to."

"Right," Face said skeptically. "Now that you have another three years on me, you're just going to play that 'old' card all the time aren't you?"

Murdock could do this with Face forever. It was rather ironic to him that in the many years he had known Face, they had never talked over the phone. *Really* talked. He had always wanted to do that. Not with just anyone. Only Face. He would feel silly admitting it, but he always thought it would be romantic. To have Face all to himself, the rest of the world asleep. He, in his darkened room at the VA, and Face, some place really nice, just talking. It didn't sound like much, but it would be special for him, he was sure of that. And he was right too. This was special. Murdock still found it hard to believe that Face was here. The same Face he thought he had lost three years ago.

"Face, I'm glad we finally got round to doing this. I always knew you'd call."

Murdock's tone was light and playful but Face could detect a hint of wistfulness in those words.

"Murdock, if you like talking with me on the phone so much, we'll do it every night when we get back. Now, who can't get enough of whose voice again?"

"You promise, Facey-guy?"

"I promise."

To Face, Murdock sounded as child-like as ever. He felt like an awful man for feeling it, but he was relieved. He didn't want Murdock to have changed. He wanted his old Murdock back. He didn't know if he could deal with having to do it all over again, to go back to Vietnam. Murdock was a mess then, and even now, Face had no idea how they got through it. He wouldn't know what to do now to help if Murdock was hurting. Would he? This train of thought made Face angry. "Why Murdock? Hasn't he been through enough?" He would have gladly taken his friend's place on the planet.

"You know what else I'm going to do when we get back?"

"Uh … gee, this is hard. Let me guess, fly?"

"How did'ya guess?" Murdock grinned.

"You're very predictable, Murdock. And you said I could never be you, that you were too complicated? Ha."

Murdock remembered that one. It was one of those memories that always managed to cozy up the cold shuttlepod for him. It was probably selfish of him, Murdock thought, but the day Face came back to the A-Team, the day they were a family again, it was one of Murdock's happiest days. Then he thought about Chief O'Brien, his companion the first few days after the shuttlepod was "landed with extreme prejudice". He could hear his distinctive Irish accent in his head now.

" 'Uncomplicated.' That was what Julian always said. Me! *Uncomplicated!* That smug, pompous know-it-all." He would go on for a bit, but the tirade always ended the same way. With a drop in his voice that conveyed so much affection and sorrow at the same time, he would say, "But I love him. Don't ever tell him, but I love that dope."

Murdock loved listening to the chief. He would listen to him as he went on for hours about Julian. Sometimes he talked about his family, about Deep Space Nine, about engineering, but he always went back to Julian. It was mostly about how much the doctor annoyed him, but Murdock knew better. Julian reminded him a lot of Face – arrogant, smart, funny ... pretty ... self-absorbed on the surface, but kind and giving if you knew him. He wondered all the time if the chief felt the same way about Julian he felt about Face. Sometimes he was sure he did, sometimes he thought he might be projecting his own feelings. He supposed it would be wrong since the chief had a wife and all. Maybe that was why Murdock never asked him. Maybe he could tell the chief did not want him to ask.

"How's Doctor Bashir doing?"

Face sighed. Bashir was completely devastated by Chief O'Brien's death. "Not too well, I'm afraid. He's not talking to anyone."

In the week Face had been on the Defiant, he had come to know Julian well. It was the fact that they both thought they had lost their best friends that first brought them together, but over numerous bottles of Romulan ale and Synthale, they soon found themselves pouring their hearts out to each other. It helped that they hadn't known each other for long. Sometimes it felt easier to confide in strangers.

*

"I can just picture it now, Captain Sisko's reaction if I told him I was in love with Miles," Julian would say sardonically in his perfect English accent.

"Tell me about it. I've never told anyone either," Face commiserated. "Don't get me wrong. I'm sure my friends would understand and I'm not going to lose them over it, but ... but I just can't work up the nerves to say it out loud."

Taking a break from gazing into his glass of Synthale, Bashir turned to look at Face seriously. "Why can't you?"

Not for the first time, Bashir's soft brown eyes reminded Face of Murdock's.

"Why can't I?" Face contemplated this for a moment. It was a simple question but Face had avoided it for the longest time without even realizing he was doing it. "I guess, once I said it out loud, I could never take it back. I could never go back."

Bashir nodded silently and took another swig from his glass. He understood.

"But would it really be *so bad*, Face?"

*

Face sighed. He wished there could be a happy ending for both Julian and himself. It was hard for him to think about Julian. In a way, he knew how he must be feeling now. It could so easily have been Murdock instead of Miles. Then it would have been him stuck with the secret, the only person worth telling it to gone. Face realized then that he wasn't going to wait any longer. He had been given another chance, which might well be his final one, and he wasn't going to waste it.

"Face?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking about Julian. I'm worried about him."

"You know, the chief spoke a lot about him. You think it would help if I talked to him?" Murdock had no clue what the right thing to say to Julian would be. In his heart, he knew he meant more to the chief than just a friend, but was he ready to hear it? What if he was wrong? Wouldn't he mess things up then?

"Of course. I think it would be good." Face only had half his mind on the conversation by now. He felt light-headed as he contemplated telling Murdock the truth about his feelings for him. "Is this it? Is it really going to happen now?" He was real close to telling Murdock so many times but always got cold feet and backed out in the last second. This could be yet another one of those times. He wondered if it wouldn't be better if he did this face-to-face, maybe over a nice, romantic dinner. His tiny quarters on the Defiant wasn't exactly what he would call atmospheric, but it *was* cozy. The thought had Face suddenly yearning to have Murdock with him in his quarters right there and then.

No, as nice as a romantic dinner would be, Face could not wait any longer. Something was pushing him to do it, and he could not, nor wanted to ignore it.

"Murdock, there's something I want you to know," Face paused to make sure he had his full attention. "It might be a bit of a shock to you, but I want you to remember to keep breathing. Alright?"

"It's not anything bad is it?"

Face almost laughed at the trepidation in Murdock's tiny voice. "I'm the one getting butterflies here, Murdock," he thought.

"Uh ... depends on your point of view."

"I'm listening."

"It's really quite simple." Face drew in a deep breath, as though it was his last. "See, I love you, Murdock."

There was no ambiguity in Face's declaration. Murdock understood very well the significance of his words. If there ever were a perfect moment, that was it for Murdock. "I love Facey, and Facey loves me back." So simple and yet it felt to Murdock the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Murdock smiled. Deep Thought was an idiot.

After holding his breath for what seemed like an eternity, Face finally heard it. "I love you too, Facey-guy." And for the first time to Face, everything was right with this world.

Just then, the communication device in Face's quarters chirped. "Bashir to Peck."

"Uh ... I'm here." Face was still a little dazed after his exchange with Murdock, but in a good way.

"We're there. The Defiant is in orbit now."

"Did you hear that Murdock? We're here! Can you see us?" Face could barely contain his excitement.

"No. No Face, I can't see anything yet. But you know what, I can feel it. I know you're here." Murdock's joy was apparent in his voice. "Finally. You guys sure took your time."

"You better come down to the bridge, Face." Bashir gently cut short their celebration.

Face thought Bashir sounded off, a little too grim. He reckoned it was the effect of being so close to the planet Miles spent his last days on.

"I'm going to have to go now, Murdock. But I'm going to see you *very* soon. Alright?"

"Ok Facey." After a beat, Murdock added, "I love you." He liked saying that. He could get used to this, being with Face.

Face smiled. "And I love you."

*

Face could tell something was wrong the moment he stepped onto the bridge. The solemn faces did not exactly convey good news.

"Face, we're not detecting any life-signs," Bashir said.

"What? There must be something wrong with your equipment. I mean, I was just talking to Murdock!" As sure as Face was that Murdock was alive, he was beginning to panic.

"An exogenic field generated by the planet's unstable elements has formed a time-shift barrier around it.

"In English please. Ju ... just tell me where's Murdock." Face wanted to yell at Bashir but he knew that wasn't going to help things.

"He's dead, Face." As a doctor, Bashir was used to delivering bad news, but this was breaking his heart. "He has been for almost a year. The energy barrier causes a time-shift anomaly. When his subspace radio signal passes through the metreon radiation, it was shifted forward one year into the future. When we sent our signal back, it went through the barrier and traveled back in time the same way." Bashir felt ludicrous prattling on about stupid energy barriers at a time like this but he did not know what choice he had. His friend needed to know what happened.

Face did not want to believe it, but he knew in his heart everything Bashir was telling him was true. Murdock was gone. The Defiant never came for him. Face felt his knees gave as his world collapsed.

TBC


End file.
